Shitty week, looking to be a great weekend.

So, after having heaping steaming piles of shit thrust upon me in copious quantities by the authority figures around me all week, the weekend is looking to be one of the best in a while. I'll tell you why, and it is all thanks to my good friend Michael.

Michael finally scraped me off my lazy ass, with a little peer pressure help from Michelle into going to Myrtle Beach. Yes, I sit typing in the Carribien Resort, enjoying 14 year old Oban scotch. It is amazing how well this whole thing came together...

So Michael was going to head to the beach alone and I declined assuming that Michelle would want to spend some time with just the two of us. He was outside the house when Michelle arrived packing some things up. So she asked where he was going and he replied to the beach.

"You suck," said Michelle exclaiming her jelousy, as Michael quickly fired back.

"You can come if you want."

Well that was enough to start the ball rolling, Michelle did a quick load of laundry, and searched for hotels on the neighbor's wireless. Michael finished packing and with the quickness we had found a two room suite at a beachfront hotel for $84 a night. Not bad. So we roll out, Michelle and I need some booze and of course, like clockwork there is an ABC (for those of you unfamiliar with the south and Alcohol Beverage Control store is the only place to buy any hard liquor) and McDonalds right on the way. So I grab her some Bacardi 8 Anos, and myself some Oban. So we eat our food and poor a little rum into our fountain cokes and proceed to cuddle up in the back seat while the music blares on and we roll down the road.

Finally, as we got closer to the beach and the hotel strip we were a little concerned, we think we had gotten lost. So I call up the hotel to get directions and just as I am asking, like a magic blue neon miracle the sign apears and we have our room in no time. It is pretty decent too I might add. Free wireless internet, "lazy river" pool (you know those little rings of pool that have a current with floaty rafts to just chill on), hot tub, pool, beachfront view on the first floor....the list goes on. So right now it looks like Michelle is done with her homework for this evening and we are off to bed. Hope the rest of the weekend goes this well.

Like herpes, I'm back mofos!

Brought to you by the theft of my neighbor's wireless internet in association with the wonderfulness that is really really cheap Dell laptops.

So now that I have weeded out the die-hard fans of my blog from just the weekly pursuers, we have some hardcore business to get down to. After all it is my job to bring you the upmost in both entertainment and reality to my blog. My blog is like reality-internet for you reality TV junkies.

So, I am back in the states, so here is a simplified list to update you all on what my current situation is.

Women: Still with Michelle (thank God!) and lovin' every minute of it. I gotta say, when a guy finds a girl that is willing to spend a year (of her college years) waiting by the phone for a call, by the computer for an email, he knows she is DEFINITELY the one. I could write a book on what this woman has done for my life, much less a blog post, so I will leave it at that.

Music: As you (should) know, TOOL is releasing a new album on the 2nd of May. If you are a human being you should pick it up, being that it should be a great listen. I gotta have respect for a band that puts out an album every 4 years or so with all stuff you know they put the upmost effort into. Also notes are Thursday has a new album and of course the Red Hot Chile Peppers have a new one coming soon. So, I am burning up Tool's new single on my hardrive until I can hear it in all its 2000 watts glory on my stereo and blare it for all the fortunate people that pull up next to me at a red light.

Movies: Still haven't seen anything worth mentioning since I have gotten back from Afghanistan, so I will say that Walk the Line is as kick ass on DVD as in the movie theaters, so WATCH IT! If you haven't already.

Books: Just finished, Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein. Such an amazing book by an amazing author. Many may be turned off by it being a "sci-fi" novel, but it really is so much more. It is a social commentary that uses the context of the future to offer critical analysis of our present. I recommend it to anyone. I also must recommend his book "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress," as well. One of my favorite authors. Currently working on "The Art of War," by Sun Tzo. I'll let you know how that goes. If, as I suspect it goes well, I will rule the earth and you will all be reading this by mandate.

Video Games: Revisiting one of my favorites on the X-box, Need For Speed Underground 2. Currently I have an Audi A3 with stage 1 turbo and numerous other upgrades. It sure is nice to have dreams right? I'm back to X-box after my Nintendo DS was stolen by a dickless son of a whore in Bagram Afghanistan. I hope the cocksucker who stole my Nintendo has his dick blown off by a mine or IED. I'm rooting for the terrorists for once to get this bastard. I hope he has his arms and teeth blown off so he has no way to ever enjoy the Nintendo he stole from me. I hope he even has his teeth blown out so he can't use the stylus for the touch screen.

Food: Still like the same stuff, but I have been on a health foods binge. I just like being healthy. I find a "Egg Beaters" with some good low-fat cheese to make the perfect omelet with wheat toast. I have also discovered the wonders of the George Foreman: Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. George Foreman has allowed me to cook thus far two full meals (that are healthy) for myself and Michelle. Allowing me to satisfy that huntergatherer obsession that males seem to have. If you don't have a George Foreman Grill, get one.

Politics: I have developed a new platform. I am the all encompassing opposition party. I hate Bush, the Republican Party, and all Democrats. I oppose them all. It is safe to say I oppose all stances taken by all in the political arena. If you wish to join me in this excursion of being in the ultimate opposition party, just leave a message of support on this blog. I don't have much to say other than "They are fuckin' things up." Hard to argue with that right?

So to all you faithful bloggers out there, I love you, and goodnight!

We be pimpin yo!

That's right the Afghan Pimp is back for the mack attack! My boy Siafullah and I all pimped out and ready to roll down Khost cruising for some ho's. You know how we roll. Brings new meaning to the phrase "ballin on a budget." We will prob just chill down at the tea shop and holla at some of the burqaed bitches that are walking by. Then we might just roll up to the club and shake it like a salt shaka that needs to be shook. Last week at da club it was crazy, this one ho showed me her ankle yo! It was out of control.

What can I say though, don't hate the player, hate the game. I can't help it if the ladies dig my bling and the way I'm put together. BLING BLING MOFO'S!

A tale of woe!

First off I must feel bad for my good friend Laura who is having a horrible time finding out from her unit when exactly she is leaving. See Laura is attached to our unit from the National Gaurd and she has done a wonderful job demonstrating to me why I should not join the reserve or National Gaurd. To top it off her husband is scheduled to leave for Iraq (he is in the active Army) just several months after her return. I don't know how I would be able to do it if someone told me that I would be again without Michelle for a year just after returning home. It is a mixed up, mad world, so my thoughts and prayers are with her and the fellow soldiers of the unit to get home soon. They have after all already been through enough having their lives disrupted and all.

Things have been very busy for me as I prepare to leave. Boxes to be sent home, things to take care of regarding my car and transportation. Just as busy getting ready to leave here as I was coming over. Tomorow will be my actual last mission that takes me off the realative saftey of our forward operating base. Our unit has been visited by a WWII paratrooper from our unit that is the most highly decorated officer to have served with the 82nd. He is an awesome guy and to hear the stories he has to tell first hand, the stories we have all read about in history books, is an amazing experience. I feel truly lucky to have had the chance to sit down and talk with him about his experiences, and I'm glad he felt he could make out here at 89 years old. Tomorow we are going to show him around a bit outside of the base. Should be some good stuff for all my fans out there.

You know what I hate?

That guy, you know that guy. The guy in the gym, the guy on the eliptical trainer. The guy who has been on it for 35 minutes going 1,000 mph with the resistance setting on zero. He stands, peddaling furiously hunched over at the waiste, ass raised in the air like a moron peddaling as a million miles an hour, on the lowest resistance level.

I know I can't be the only gym rat who hates this person because they waste so much time on the machine, and eventually break it instead of just turning up the settings a few notches and actually getting a workout.

Video

Copy and paste the link to download a little video of my last patrol. No search stuff on there at all, but you get a decent view of the Aghan countryside and an arm wresting/ wrestling match between ANA and our soldiers.

http://s39.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0N5GP3RI2LB331AXVKYNEH7R40

My last patrol

So I completed my final patrol last week, and I must say it was much less glamorous as I had hoped for. Basically I was called up last minute to go out with a group of paratroopers who were to take down a couple of bad motherfuckers and take away their weapons. Unfortunately for the troops I was with many of them were nearly called off the plane from returning home to go catch these bad dudes on what was said to be solid intelligence. They had to reissue these guys the protective plates for their body armor and ammunition.

So needless to say after driving over the rocky terrain for hours on end they were less than enthusiastic to find that the doors they busted down and the houses they turned upside down contained nothing of danger and no people of suspicion that needed to be detained. They were even less thrilled to find out that this amazing set of information that they had been acting on was over 8 months old. I think we lost some hearts and minds of the Afghan people today. I guess this was a crowning moment for this deployment for myself and my fellow soldiers on the mission. For it has not been uncommon for us to arrive somewhere 8 months too late, not finding anything. Hooah, all the way, airborne!

Buisiness proposal

Note the reader, the following is a buisiness proposal for investors. The idea is my intellectual property and no one elses. I state this because the market is prime for this investment and my idea...

With all the fury and outrage over cartoons depicting the profit Mohamed (shit be upon him) spread throughout the muslim world causing them to just act like the general ass-hats that they are. Well lets embrace this reaction we have gotten out of them. I propose to make t-shirts featuring the now infamous cartoons. I would wear one with pride. You can also put clever little sayings on them like "Look ma, I started an international incident with this t-shirt." Or "Jihad this." As long as we are making t-shirts offensive to Islam we might as well make up some of our own cartoons. I also would like one that has a Koran hanging from a toilet paper roll holder. Although that might not offend them because they don't use toilet paper. Anyways, I got a lot of great ideas like that. And no I don't worry about offending them.

I was offended by them when they flew jets into sky-scrapers, I was offended when they crashed one into the Pentagon, I was offended when they forced passengers over PA to martyr themselves in order to thwart the evil plot. I've been offended the numerous times they have tried to personally and impersonally try to kill my friends and I. It is my turn to do the offending.