The World From My Perspective v2.0

Shitty week, looking to be a great weekend.

2006-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

So, after having heaping steaming piles of shit thrust upon me in copious quantities by the authority figures around me all week, the weekend is looking to be one of the best in a while. I'll tell you why, and it is all thanks to my good friend Michael.

Michael finally scraped me off my lazy ass, with a little peer pressure help from Michelle into going to Myrtle Beach. Yes, I sit typing in the Carribien Resort, enjoying 14 year old Oban scotch. It is amazing how well this whole thing came together...

So Michael was going to head to the beach alone and I declined assuming that Michelle would want to spend some time with just the two of us. He was outside the house when Michelle arrived packing some things up. So she asked where he was going and he replied to the beach.

"You suck," said Michelle exclaiming her jelousy, as Michael quickly fired back.

"You can come if you want."

Well that was enough to start the ball rolling, Michelle did a quick load of laundry, and searched for hotels on the neighbor's wireless. Michael finished packing and with the quickness we had found a two room suite at a beachfront hotel for $84 a night. Not bad. So we roll out, Michelle and I need some booze and of course, like clockwork there is an ABC (for those of you unfamiliar with the south and Alcohol Beverage Control store is the only place to buy any hard liquor) and McDonalds right on the way. So I grab her some Bacardi 8 Anos, and myself some Oban. So we eat our food and poor a little rum into our fountain cokes and proceed to cuddle up in the back seat while the music blares on and we roll down the road.

Finally, as we got closer to the beach and the hotel strip we were a little concerned, we think we had gotten lost. So I call up the hotel to get directions and just as I am asking, like a magic blue neon miracle the sign apears and we have our room in no time. It is pretty decent too I might add. Free wireless internet, "lazy river" pool (you know those little rings of pool that have a current with floaty rafts to just chill on), hot tub, pool, beachfront view on the first floor....the list goes on. So right now it looks like Michelle is done with her homework for this evening and we are off to bed. Hope the rest of the weekend goes this well.

Like herpes, I'm back mofos!

2006-04-20T17:40:00.000-07:00

Brought to you by the theft of my neighbor's wireless internet in association with the wonderfulness that is really really cheap Dell laptops.

So now that I have weeded out the die-hard fans of my blog from just the weekly pursuers, we have some hardcore business to get down to. After all it is my job to bring you the upmost in both entertainment and reality to my blog. My blog is like reality-internet for you reality TV junkies.

So, I am back in the states, so here is a simplified list to update you all on what my current situation is.

Women: Still with Michelle (thank God!) and lovin' every minute of it. I gotta say, when a guy finds a girl that is willing to spend a year (of her college years) waiting by the phone for a call, by the computer for an email, he knows she is DEFINITELY the one. I could write a book on what this woman has done for my life, much less a blog post, so I will leave it at that.

Music: As you (should) know, TOOL is releasing a new album on the 2nd of May. If you are a human being you should pick it up, being that it should be a great listen. I gotta have respect for a band that puts out an album every 4 years or so with all stuff you know they put the upmost effort into. Also notes are Thursday has a new album and of course the Red Hot Chile Peppers have a new one coming soon. So, I am burning up Tool's new single on my hardrive until I can hear it in all its 2000 watts glory on my stereo and blare it for all the fortunate people that pull up next to me at a red light.

Movies: Still haven't seen anything worth mentioning since I have gotten back from Afghanistan, so I will say that Walk the Line is as kick ass on DVD as in the movie theaters, so WATCH IT! If you haven't already.

Books: Just finished, Starship Troopers by Robert A. Heinlein. Such an amazing book by an amazing author. Many may be turned off by it being a "sci-fi" novel, but it really is so much more. It is a social commentary that uses the context of the future to offer critical analysis of our present. I recommend it to anyone. I also must recommend his book "The Moon is a Harsh Mistress," as well. One of my favorite authors. Currently working on "The Art of War," by Sun Tzo. I'll let you know how that goes. If, as I suspect it goes well, I will rule the earth and you will all be reading this by mandate.

Video Games: Revisiting one of my favorites on the X-box, Need For Speed Underground 2. Currently I have an Audi A3 with stage 1 turbo and numerous other upgrades. It sure is nice to have dreams right? I'm back to X-box after my Nintendo DS was stolen by a dickless son of a whore in Bagram Afghanistan. I hope the cocksucker who stole my Nintendo has his dick blown off by a mine or IED. I'm rooting for the terrorists for once to get this bastard. I hope he has his arms and teeth blown off so he has no way to ever enjoy the Nintendo he stole from me. I hope he even has his teeth blown out so he can't use the stylus for the touch screen.

Food: Still like the same stuff, but I have been on a health foods binge. I just like being healthy. I find a "Egg Beaters" with some good low-fat cheese to make the perfect omelet with wheat toast. I have also discovered the wonders of the George Foreman: Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine. George Foreman has allowed me to cook thus far two full meals (that are healthy) for myself and Michelle. Allowing me to satisfy that huntergatherer obsession that males seem to have. If you don't have a George Foreman Grill, get one.

Politics: I have developed a new platform. I am the all encompassing opposition party. I hate Bush, the Republican Party, and all Democrats. I oppose them all. It is safe to say I oppose all stances taken by all in the political arena. If you wish to join me in this excursion of being in the ultimate opposition party, just leave a message of support on this blog. I don't have much to say other than "They are fuckin' things up." Hard to argue with that right?

So to all you faithful bloggers out there, I love you, and goodnight!

We be pimpin yo!

2006-03-03T21:52:00.000-08:00

That's right the Afghan Pimp is back for the mack attack! My boy Siafullah and I all pimped out and ready to roll down Khost cruising for some ho's. You know how we roll. Brings new meaning to the phrase "ballin on a budget." We will prob just chill down at the tea shop and holla at some of the burqaed bitches that are walking by. Then we might just roll up to the club and shake it like a salt shaka that needs to be shook. Last week at da club it was crazy, this one ho showed me her ankle yo! It was out of control.

What can I say though, don't hate the player, hate the game. I can't help it if the ladies dig my bling and the way I'm put together. BLING BLING MOFO'S!

A tale of woe!

2006-02-24T23:43:00.000-08:00

First off I must feel bad for my good friend Laura who is having a horrible time finding out from her unit when exactly she is leaving. See Laura is attached to our unit from the National Gaurd and she has done a wonderful job demonstrating to me why I should not join the reserve or National Gaurd. To top it off her husband is scheduled to leave for Iraq (he is in the active Army) just several months after her return. I don't know how I would be able to do it if someone told me that I would be again without Michelle for a year just after returning home. It is a mixed up, mad world, so my thoughts and prayers are with her and the fellow soldiers of the unit to get home soon. They have after all already been through enough having their lives disrupted and all.

Things have been very busy for me as I prepare to leave. Boxes to be sent home, things to take care of regarding my car and transportation. Just as busy getting ready to leave here as I was coming over. Tomorow will be my actual last mission that takes me off the realative saftey of our forward operating base. Our unit has been visited by a WWII paratrooper from our unit that is the most highly decorated officer to have served with the 82nd. He is an awesome guy and to hear the stories he has to tell first hand, the stories we have all read about in history books, is an amazing experience. I feel truly lucky to have had the chance to sit down and talk with him about his experiences, and I'm glad he felt he could make out here at 89 years old. Tomorow we are going to show him around a bit outside of the base. Should be some good stuff for all my fans out there.

You know what I hate?

2006-02-20T03:01:00.000-08:00

That guy, you know that guy. The guy in the gym, the guy on the eliptical trainer. The guy who has been on it for 35 minutes going 1,000 mph with the resistance setting on zero. He stands, peddaling furiously hunched over at the waiste, ass raised in the air like a moron peddaling as a million miles an hour, on the lowest resistance level.

I know I can't be the only gym rat who hates this person because they waste so much time on the machine, and eventually break it instead of just turning up the settings a few notches and actually getting a workout.

Video

2006-02-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

Copy and paste the link to download a little video of my last patrol. No search stuff on there at all, but you get a decent view of the Aghan countryside and an arm wresting/ wrestling match between ANA and our soldiers.

http://s39.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=0N5GP3RI2LB331AXVKYNEH7R40

My last patrol

2006-02-18T01:57:00.000-08:00

So I completed my final patrol last week, and I must say it was much less glamorous as I had hoped for. Basically I was called up last minute to go out with a group of paratroopers who were to take down a couple of bad motherfuckers and take away their weapons. Unfortunately for the troops I was with many of them were nearly called off the plane from returning home to go catch these bad dudes on what was said to be solid intelligence. They had to reissue these guys the protective plates for their body armor and ammunition.

So needless to say after driving over the rocky terrain for hours on end they were less than enthusiastic to find that the doors they busted down and the houses they turned upside down contained nothing of danger and no people of suspicion that needed to be detained. They were even less thrilled to find out that this amazing set of information that they had been acting on was over 8 months old. I think we lost some hearts and minds of the Afghan people today. I guess this was a crowning moment for this deployment for myself and my fellow soldiers on the mission. For it has not been uncommon for us to arrive somewhere 8 months too late, not finding anything. Hooah, all the way, airborne!

Buisiness proposal

2006-02-08T21:06:00.000-08:00

Note the reader, the following is a buisiness proposal for investors. The idea is my intellectual property and no one elses. I state this because the market is prime for this investment and my idea...

With all the fury and outrage over cartoons depicting the profit Mohamed (shit be upon him) spread throughout the muslim world causing them to just act like the general ass-hats that they are. Well lets embrace this reaction we have gotten out of them. I propose to make t-shirts featuring the now infamous cartoons. I would wear one with pride. You can also put clever little sayings on them like "Look ma, I started an international incident with this t-shirt." Or "Jihad this." As long as we are making t-shirts offensive to Islam we might as well make up some of our own cartoons. I also would like one that has a Koran hanging from a toilet paper roll holder. Although that might not offend them because they don't use toilet paper. Anyways, I got a lot of great ideas like that. And no I don't worry about offending them.

I was offended by them when they flew jets into sky-scrapers, I was offended when they crashed one into the Pentagon, I was offended when they forced passengers over PA to martyr themselves in order to thwart the evil plot. I've been offended the numerous times they have tried to personally and impersonally try to kill my friends and I. It is my turn to do the offending.

Sexually disfunctional movies; Love Object, Brokeback Mountain

2006-02-06T00:38:00.000-08:00

Ok so to start off first we will go with the shit fest "Love Object." What kind of drugs do you have to be on to want to make a film about a man's love affair with his plastic sex-doll. Let's just say I find the concept of a young proffesional publisher spending $10,000 a jerk-off toy ludicrous. If you are really that hard up for some ass just go get a hooker or something. Not to mention the sex-doll was more dazzling in her role of sitting there looking plastic than any of the emotions displayed by this group of actors headlined by the infamous Rip Torn, from Men In Black fame. Rip Torn should have been my warning. Any movie with his name on it is likely to leave me feeling ripped off and torn from the money I spent to see the movie. I love the quote on the movie poster "A great little thriller, some genuinely creepy moments," IS THAT THE BEST REVIEW YOU COULD FIND? Holy crap that is like saying on your advertising "Not fantastic, but better than watching the paint dry!." Hell I would have rather watched paint dry. At least then I would not have walked away thinking to myself that somewhere there is a guy out there who talkes to his inflatable doll. Next up is a movie even more retarded than a movie about a guy that falls in love with his sex doll, a movie about gay cowboys....

Fagboys

Look at this shit. What the hell is the world coming to? And it is considered for an Oscar? I would find a movie about a teen wizard that battles a witch with the help of a lion in a closet more realistic than this. You could call that one Harry Potter and the lion the witch and the wardrobe. There is no such thing as gay cowboys. We should wrap John Wayne in copper coils, place some magnets around his casket and solve the energy crisis, because I'm sure he hasn't stopped spinning yet. You know I'm pro gay-rights too, I'm not even freaked out about hanging out with gay men, but I still find the concept of a love story between two cowboys to be retarded. Just to balance out the gayness that has infiltrated my blog I have posted photos of some real cowboys below. See real cowboys wear black, and on special occasions wear more black. They roll no less than for deep and they are definetly straped. Do you see even one limp wrist in the photo below? I don't think so! And you see that walk? That walk says I'm going to fuck you up with my six shooter! Not, I'm going to fuck you then suck on your 'six shooter.' No such thing as gay cowboys.

Cowboys

Just a few more weeks

2006-02-04T02:09:00.000-08:00

Just a few more weeks to go, then I will have completed 2 and a half years of combat without a scratch. *knock on wood* However, this has not seemed to deter the powers that be from doing everything they can to get me a Purple Heart...

A few days ago I was dispatch on a quick reaction force mission to secure the site of a suicide car-bomb attack. Not the most desireable of circumstances to leave the realitive safety of the forward operating base...I would much rather be handing out children's vitamins and school supplies, but that is beside the point.

Upon arival to the detonation site the sun had gone down enough that I wouldn't be able to take photos. So sorry to dissapoint that there are none of current events this posting. I will post some of the run I mentioned in a previous post in order to apease my loving fans.

When we arrived on the scene all that was left was a plethora of human remains scattered everywhere, the largest piece being a 60 lbs piece of a torso. We marked as many of the bits and pieces we could with chem light sticks. A lung here, piece of skull there, half a man's face over yonder, some of the sticky wet spots smelt horrible; lower intestines, fecal matter. Someone had been pinching off a shit. That is when a morbid yet humorous thought crossed my mind. On a bad day in the states you accidently step in dog shit, on a bad day in Afghanistan you step in Afghan. Three Afghan Army soldiers were killed, a farmer on a tractor, and the suicide bomber of course. I guess one positive you can take out of it was when the man was stopped at the checkpoint he blew himself up, it was presumed that he was heading towards the provincial capital of Khowst. I could only imagine the carnage he would have caused had he been able to drive himself to the university, the UN building, or any other number of suitable sites that Afghans frequent, going about their daily lives.

Last night I had my sleep rudely inturupted by a mortar attack. No one was hurt or killed, but it was quite tiresome that it occured in the middle of the night. About 2 am. Sleep is in short supply these days and I just didn't need that. The worst part was after it had all been over with my roomates felt they needed to act like idiots for annother hour instead of letting everyone go to sleep.

I also finished We The Living by Ayn Rand. A great book. Not as phylisophicaly imposing as her others or as deep, but very entertaining to take a look at the living conditions imposed upon people in the development of the U.S.S.R.. I mean we have all been taught that communism is evil, but this book did a great job at illustrating the reason why. Thanks to Michelle for sending it to me and I cannot wait for her to give it a read and her thoughts on it. With that I am going to start sending home packages to Michelle of stuff I don't need over here. It is a good feeling to know my return is inevitably aproaching.

The most dangerous mission of my life!

2006-01-27T03:52:00.000-08:00

Was I patrolling through an Al Queda infested villiage waiting for a rag clad warrior to jump from the shaddows and shout "Allah ACKBAR!" as he cuts my throat? No. Was I rappeling down a sheer cliff to recover hidden weapons to be used against my fellow soldiers? No.

I was shooting mortars with the Afghan National Army. Chinese mortars, through rust rusty Russian tubes. Real mortars, the kind that explode and maim and kill. I was shooting these with men who cannot read, much less calculate the numerical values needed to ensure that once these rounds actually left their embattled launchers, they land on the enemy, not our heads.

The Chinese mortars proved to be somewhat of an issue. About half of them did not explode when they hit the target, and we had two miss-fires in the tube. These miss-fires can be quite stressful situations as they require everyone to run like hell from the tube...then after a minute goes by a "volunteer" must go up and kick at the tube to try and get it to fire...then after annother minute the volunteer and a friend go up to the tube and lean it upside down so the live mortar round can fall (hopefully) into the waiting hands of the volunteer. Needless to say that during this process myself and fellow soldiers took a few extra steps backwards. I still have all my fingers and toes. So anyone who was concerned about how we would do in a war with China needs not to worry if the mortars were an accurate representation of their military quality.

This morning started with a "highly motivating" task force run at 5 AM. Fuck that shit, how many resources did we waste running around the base in a formation of about 1,000 people? Hmmm, well I can think of a more important way to use 1,000 people in Afghanistan...HUNTING DOWN THE ENEMY! Not to mention the helicopters used to keep this formation safe could have been used to drop bombs on people. Or that it ruined my sleep.

So as you can see I have been pretty busy lately. Only annother month or so to go and I'm out of here. Couldn't be too soon either, I almost was tempted to reenlist for $23,000. However I decided it just isn't worth it. Michelle being such a sweet and wonderful fiance' helped me make up my mind, that and one of my best friends who has recently reenlisted regrets it completely. So yes, I will exit the military blog business as planned and enter into the boring self-important regular guy blogging about the long line at the Taco Bell drive through...or whatever it is that normal people blog about. Speaking of which, drive through lines bug the shit out of me...

Thanks for the thoughtful responses...

2006-01-11T21:43:00.000-08:00

...to my last post. Also thanks to Michelle for some clarification on the discussion as I am lucky she can always bring.

After a little soul searching in myself I have figured out why the praise from unknowns always makes me a little uncomfortable. I find it is mainly because I had no noble intentions by joining the Army, or even the Airborne. I didn't do it for God and Country, to serve the greater cause, or any of those things that people admire or want to hear. I did it for me.

People would like to hear that I joined to serve in the war on terror because I joined right after Sept. 11, 2001, however if you know me well you know that I had been planning on joining the Army for nearly a year before that, and had already signed a "pre-contract" in July. Why did I join? Simply because I wanted to get out and see the world a bit, and take on the challenge of becoming a Soldier. Not because I wanted respect, or the college money, or anything other than proving to myself that I can do something I had always been curious about. I joined the "elite" unit of the 82nd Airborne pretty much by accident. I didn't know squat about the Army before joining and I only volunteered for the Airborne for a $3,000 bonus that was cut down to $1,700 after taxes, and the extra $150 a month hazard duty pay. Although I am proud of my unit and its historic and present day accomplishments now, I didn't give a shit when I was 18 and had 17 bucks in my checking account, an amount that wouldn't let me even get money from an ATM.

Of course my feelings on the situation changed after 9-11. However I wasn't really caught up in the patriotic fervor that swept the country after that terrible day, I was just glad I was going to get the chance to do something it what was surely to be a chapter in world history class. Not for the glory or anything other than my own curiousity to know what it is all about.

That curiousity is what led me to volunteer, and jump for joy at the thought of deploying to Afghanistan the first time. Remember I wasn't doing this to protect your freedom's or any other noble purpose other than to see what was going on there and save up a few thousand bucks for a car. It all worked out and I was lucky enough to experience many a strange things in Afghanistan.

When I found out I would be deploying to Iraq shortly after my return from Afghanistan I was also excited. This time I wouldn't be going alone, I would be going with some of my best friends. Once again I wasn't dissapointed. I found out what it was all about.

I again found out I would be deploying a few months after my return from Iraq, again to Afghanistan. Of course at this point my relationship with Michelle consisted of fleeting fantasies of us getting together and my drunken phonecalls to her never revealing those fantasies. So at that point I was excited to go once again, after all, I wanted to see how things had changed in 2 years. I once again wasn't dissapointed by this tour.

I guess getting mixed up in this crazy Army thing has been my not so secret attraction to a good fight. It was the international equivilent of a bar-room brawl that I see developing from across the room. To me it doesn't matter who's side I'm on, I just want to get in it.

So there you have it, my involvement in this whole crazy business has been nothing more than an excercise in selfishness. I don't expect many people to understand why I find this to be the most noble virtue anyone can have, but those who do know that man is nothing without his own selfishness. Perhaps if what I do is seen as such a noble undertaking that random people who don't know me thank me people should really evaluate what we have been taught selfishness is in our society, and how man's selfishness is actually a good thing. Maybe society isn't lost and each time someone thanks me for protecting their freedom I think to myself what they are really saying. "Thanks for being a selfish person who was only concerned with your personal goals, desires, and morals."

No real reason to post.

2006-01-07T03:34:00.000-08:00

Hope you enjoy some of the photos from Michelle and I's trip to Mt. Diablo during my leave.

I really don't have any other reason to post. This week has mainly been spent trying to make the upcoming week busy. I have a few missions lined up, none of which will leave me on a mountain-top over night THANK GOD! I did enough of that staying out for weeks thing my first winter here in Afghanistan and I learned my lesson well. The cold is blistering here, the kind that runs through all your flesh almost freezing it. So cold it is hard to move. I don't think I will ever fully recover from my first tour here. Unimaginable cold, sure parts of Wisconsin and North Dakota get colder in the winter, but you only feel that cold walking to and from your car. Imagine sleeping on that cold ground for days upon days. No thank you, I'm glad we aren't doing any operations like that this year.

It isn't that we have gotten lazy, it is more that with so many new forward operating bases and our troops spread out so much you will rarely find yourself in an area outside of driving distance from a base. Lucky us.

I recieved a letter from Michelle today with some photos of our trip to Disney Land. So much fun. You are never too old to act like a kid at Disney Land.

I had an interesting conversation with the little lady the other night. It centered around my general discomfort for being given a lot of credit for serving in the Army, particularly my time deployed. People are always saying things like "thank you for protecting my freedom." Usually in relation to something like the freedom of speech or religion or something in the Constitution. I just don't get it, the guys who fought in the revolution, civil war, and up until WW I and II pretty much protected the basic freedoms and rights of our citizens. I don't see what I did to give anyone free speech. Whatever your feeling is on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan I think it would be fool hardy to think that me being in the Army somehow protects your rights from those two countries. Sure the Taliban supported Al Qeada (or whatever the correct spelling is this week) and AQ was responsible for 9-11 and we are keeping that from happening again. But was 9-11 really a thread to our basic rights and freedoms?

Iraq may have had weapons of mass destruction, we may never know...but would those weapons of mass destruction threaten to rip our country from its very foundation? I doubt it. So what does it mean when people say "Thanks for protecting our freedom?"

Mud everywhere.

2006-01-02T02:10:00.000-08:00

So it has been raining non-stop for the past couple of days and it is really putting a damper on my spirits. Not because I dislike rain, I just have a problem with tromping through a half mile of mud everytime I go to my office. And it isn't that walking in the mud is really that bad, just that the mess it creates is unbearable. There is mud everywhere in this room, Afghanistan needs less mud. To think just a couple of weeks ago I was strolling down paved sidewalks, not needing to stomp my feet in a futile attempt to get mud off them.

New years was ok I guess. Spent it watching movies and eating smoked salmon because my friends who I was planning to chill with all had to do a bunch of stuff at work. I think they planned that on purpose. Yesterday I took photos of a "truck rodeo." Now the stupidity of this event was even beyond me and my experience of stupidity in the Army.

Why is it that the Army has to make everything suck? Ok, so you have a crapload of mud, bull dozers, and off road vehicles that you don't own or give a crap about. All logic would say make big hills of dirt and drive said off road vehicles off those hills into the mud...and call it a truck rodeo.

Nope, the Army decides that a truck rodeo is driving a truck safely and slowly through cones, stopping in a square from *GHASP* 15 mph! And the dreaded PARALLEL PARK! Ohh no!

Now if the Army made a truck rodeo suck that much, what could it do to a real rodeo? Well I suspect it would go something like this, cowboys would first display their knowledge of grooming and feeding the horse, then ride it in circles slowly while some other guy takes notes on a clipboard. Yea, that would suck.

My metal new years!

2005-12-30T20:30:00.000-08:00

So I've turned up the volume on my Dell latitude D800 and will commence to rock the rest of the year away, ready to start anew at midnight. I can't think of a better way to to send what has been a pretty shitty year overall, with a few bright spots in between the long stretches of darkness. I'm currently banging my head to a little SOAD-"Boom", preceeded by Pantera's "Yesterday Don't Mean Shit!"...WHOA! Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl" just came on, how the hell did that sneak in there? While the piano stylings of Mr. Joel may be a suitable sountrack for a mid-life crisis, it certainly isn't suitable for my METAL NEW YEAR'S!

I'm thinking about bringing the X-Box into the media center and hooking it up to the proxima projector for my buddies and I to play tonite while swilling Jack Daniels and playing Halo 2 on a wall sized screen. Yes, we plan on bringing in the new year with a few drinks. My friend has been recieving care packages from some crazy Vietnam vet with bottles of "sipping wiskey" stashed in rolls of socks. God willing, one day I can be a crazy vet sending inapropriate items to desperate junior NCOs. Oooohhh, and I just looked over my shoulder and saw an unopened box of Easy Mac on the shelf behind me.

Easy Mac+Jack Daniels+Xbox+SLAYER!=one hell of a good time

So this past month

2005-12-30T02:39:00.000-08:00

Leave was AWESOME! Started out great, got to pick up my baby at the Oakland airport and then just relaxing with each other for the next couple of days at a hotel. Of course we were extremely excited to find that an In-and-Out Burger had been built in Manteca, right across from our hotel no less! So that was SWEET! A few days later we drove down to L.A. and spent a couple days at Disney Land. It was awesome because it was Christmas and the 50th anniversary of the park. Tons of fun, I recomend all my friends try to make it to Disney Land during the Christmas season. The only drawback was that Michelle and I both got sick while we were there.

Ohh, I forgot to mention that I stoped by my old 5th grade teacher's class while I was home to thank them for writting me letters during my deployment. It was pretty fun and I was glad to do it for them, I just thought about how cool I would have thought it was at that age that a real life Soldier came to my class. They were a nice group of kids although I don't know how teachers can do it. Now I have been quite busy writting them back.

We drove back up north from L.A. on the pacific coast highway to Monterey. It gave Michelle a good view of the California coastline and we stopped by the mission in Santa Barbara as well. Once in Monterey we hung out with my good friend Derek who I am proud to say is doing very well for himself. He is a college graduate, just took up a great job offer and huge promotion from the company he currently works with and has met a very nice young girl that he seems to be just nuts about. It is always good to see things fall into place for a good friend. After that we returned to Manteca and just hung out basically.

I also was able to give my Christmas present to Michelle. I took her to a beauty spa place for a massage, body wrap, and pedicure. I of course sat in and had it done myself with her, it was alot of fun and I think she really enjoyed it. It was nice to be able to get her a good gift this year because I know we will both be strapped for cash next year. Not that either of us mind though, I think we are just really excited about having our own Christmas tree at our own place. Michelle got me the most awesome gift a girl can get her man...autographed sports memorabilia. I got a football autographed by Tim Brown, Jerry Rice, and Rich Gannon complete with certificate of authenticity. Such an awesome lady.

Saying goodbye this time was harder than the first and I miss her terribly. I just keep telling myself that in less than 90 days I will be home again, hopefully for good. I don't know what I would be doing if I had taken leave just a couple months into the deployment like many of my friends did.

Now that I am back I am reluctant to do anything worthwhile, hence the long blog post you are reading now. So I will finish up this post with a bit about what my entertainment items are at this moment.

Book: We the Living-Ayn Rand
Video Game: Grand Theft Auto-Vice City
Current Music: Walk The Line Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Leave!

2005-11-22T03:57:00.000-08:00

Wow, so I am slated to fly out of Bagram on the 5th. Which should put me back in the great state of California on the 7th or 8th. I serriously can not wait. I don't think I have ever been as excited as I am to go anywhere than I am about leave. I can't wait to see Michelle. It is unimaginable for anyone to know what it is like to be seperated from you significant other for 8 months unless you have been through it. Although I must return here after my little vacation it should only be 2-3 more months until I am home for good. I for one think that our relationship has gotten stronger over this period of seperation. A wise man once told me that a deployment will either destroy a relationship or cement it further. I never really had any doubts about the latter. Honestly after going through such long term seperation I don't think I could ever have a relationship that I am this confident in ever again. I think the same would be for her God forbid anything happened to either of us. It is almost like a "fuck you world" to know that you were able to get through having limited interaction with you best friend and lover for such a long period of time. It hasn't been easy sometimes. I have let my jelousies and insecurities get the best of me in this situation on occasion, but thanks to her help we both were able to make it through just about anything.

Tomorow I'm heading out on some missions, it is a crazy feeling. So close to going home and worrying more than ever about getting fragged into a million pieces. The closer you get to going home the worse it gets because you are always a little worried that you will end up like some kid in a Vietnam movie. After getting killed your spirit looks up at the faces of your comrades standing above you and the your view cinematically circles as each in his own way remarks about the irony of you almost going home. I could almost see the stereo typical "Tex" taking a long draw on his Marlboro and quiping with a drawl "6 days from heading home, aint that some sheeeeit!" Thank God life isn't a cliche' war flick.

Spending Spree!

2005-11-16T02:36:00.000-08:00

So I have kept you all out of the loop long enough. I spent about a week in Gardez doing some cool stuff up there. But shit was it cold! Woke up one morning to grayish skies and looked over at LT Del and said, "this doesn't look good." As a northerner he promptly diagnosed that it was going to snow...I didn't believe him and remarked that it needed to be at least 20 degrees cooler for that to happen. Lest I spoke in prophecy, the tempurature suddenly dropped and in began to snow. So yea, that sucked. While in Gardez I went to an orphanage where the unit I was with set up a medical clinic to treat the kids. Here are some of the photos...

Also during the trip we attended a graduation of Afghan National Policemen (the day it snowed). Scary to think the security of this war ravaged nation lies in the hands of these young men. Then again I'm sure I looked even more pathetic when I first joined the Army as a we young lad.

So after completing my mission in Gardez it was time for me to work my way back to Salerno, so I got myself signed up for a flight. Well the damn bird came in 45 minutes early and I had to run from the middle of the base out to the road where we land the helicopters. I was so exhausted when I got on the bird, the altitude did a number on my lungs on that run...then to top it off it landed in Bagram. Despite being away from Salerno longer than I anticipated I made the best of the situation by shoping. I was purusing the PX when I saw the new smaller Suunto Observer watch. Too cool. I have been looking for one for a while but hey have been too expensive ($350-$400), but I snagged mine for $230 thanks to the item being mispriced! Well I don't like to make such expensive purchases on myself without also getting a little something something for the wonderful and gracious Michelle. So I bought myself a cell phone, and her some calling cards, that way she can call me whenever she wants. I know it may sound like a gift to ME, but her main gripe about me being deployed is that she doesn't have the chance to just pick up the phone and call me whenever she wants to. And I got to admit that I can't get enough of her. I seem to miss her more and more as I get closer to going on vacation. Right now it looks like I should be arriving in California some time around the second week in December and heading back here after two weeks. I can't wait.

Coughing, wheezing, crawling, your hero returns

2005-11-02T02:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it has been a little while. I owe you all some quality posts to make up for it. I was out for a while because I had my wisdom teeth removed. Yes, hard to imagine but I actually had dental surgery 10 miles from the Pakistan border. I was a little wary at first when going into the clinic. Everything was of course coated in that light film of Afghan dust and the interior of the tent sagged with a droopy gloom. Not to mention the dentist looked just about old enough to shoulder tap me to buy beer for him outside the Circle K. To my surprise it went very well. Within 30 minutes I found myself missing two wisdom teeth, high as a kite on pain killers and a mouthful of gauze. So I spent the next few days on recovery in percaset bliss hacking and slashing my way through Morrowind on Xbox and debating on what flavor of pudding to eat for dinner. Not a bad recovery overall and after a week I was good to go. Here is a photo of the dentist hard at work.

Now I am dealing with a rather pesky chest cold that has kept me from obtaining any substantial amount of sleep and on occasionally causes me convulsions so violent that I am forced to vomit. Good abdominal workout though.

In other news I am trying to work my way into taking leave in December. It would be nice to work it like that and I would be able to visit my family and friends in Manteca so close to the holidays. I should find out next week. The sooner the better because Michelle has noted that as each day goes by the plane tickets to California are getting more and more expensive. That is all for now.

Thanks to bored.com...

2005-10-17T04:27:00.000-07:00

I found okcupid.com, which was made by the guys who made thespark.com (internet like burning) they had all those kick ass tests that would tell you your personality based on funny and weird situational questions, also when you will die and stuff. Somehow it has turned into a dating like site, but it has all the cool tests still...

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

Your exact opposite:
The 5-Night Stand

Deliberate Brutal Sex Master

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph

CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: SuicideVan

Photos of my car

2005-10-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

Why? Because it rules.

LOOK OUT!

2005-10-11T02:41:00.000-07:00

Well now, who is that sexy bitch and the Sergeant Major of the Army!?!? That's right I rule so much sometimes it hurts! Got a sweet coin out of it too which should prove very useful in any challenge coin situation being that a SMA coin is pretty much the most sought after coin in the US Army up there with Presidential and Secretary of Defence coins if you ask me.

An interesting discussion...

2005-10-10T03:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the back to back posts but I was just reminded of a discussion I had with my friend Simon about Iraq and Afghanistan in general. Basically how I deal with people always asking me "what is it like?" He is a very inquisitive fellow and I very much enjoy the discussions we have on the internet being his educational background in history.

I, like most veterans of the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq often face the question "what is it like?" And we commonly respond with things like "it(s) hot/dry/wet/cold/sandy/smelly/sucks..." which leaves the inquisitor somewhat perplexed because what they really wanted to know is how it felt to be there, everything that a human really doesn't have the ability to describe. The want to know what it is like to see a dead body for the first time, not in the prepared state of a wake or viewing, but in the raw nature of a human life freshly extinguished man's machines of destruction. They want to experience everything about a firefight or ambush, from the feeling of fear melting into adreneline, to the smell of freshly lit explosives and the odd feeling afterwards that you were actually truely wishing or even dealing death upon those who were trying to harm you. They want to know about all these things.

Perhaps it is better that they don't really know how to ask because, as far as I can tell, we don't know how to explain it. Simply because the places and situations that we have been put in have no place in the common psyche of the average American. There is just no frame of reference to explain something that is so foriegn to anyone who hasn't been there.

It would be like asking someone to describe any number of common things in the world that some people just have to be precluded from. Describe the color blue to a man who has been blind his whole life. Explain sex to a virgin. I think sex to a virgin is a better analogy because you can explain it in base terms like all 5th graders are forced into the "Family Life Class" sex-ed stuff. Sex= man puts penis in woman's vagina, man ejaculates. War= these guys shot at us, we shot back, some of the projectiles from our weapons ruptured the skulls and organs of those who shot at us, they died. You still don't really get it, despite the clear as day explaination of such an event.

So I will tell you what Iraq and Afghanistan were like, Iraq was Iraq, and Afghanistan was Afghanistan.

So, WTF mate?

2005-10-10T03:25:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I would like to say that I have been incredibly busy or something and that is the reason why I haven't posted in a while....but that would be a complete lie. I have just been too lazy. I've been working out alot and doing nothing much of anything else. I bought an X Box from a guy who was heading out of here so that is pretty sweet. I can now spend my free time teaching zombies and demons to suck 00 buck shot via Doom 3. I also purchased this sweet ass MP3 player since my other one broke so I can blow zombies up while listing to Rob Zombie...if I wanted. I mainly listen to Pantera...or \m/SLAYER\m/

Speaking of Slayer, to add to the awesomeness that is my woman Michelle she has found her way into my CD collection I left behind and was telling me about all the heavy-metal she was enjoying. I have a convert! I must now complete the transition with a concert of some sort when I go home.

Lately I have been engaged in quite the debate with a friend here who grew up in a Christian high school in a Christian home ect...and doesn't beleive in evolution, fossil records ect. HE THINKS THE EARTH IS 10,000 YEARS OLD! What the hell is wrong with some people?!??! They are allowed to teach kids this nonsense? Here comes the common sense train! TOOT TOOT the last stop is you! Can someone please enlighten me as to how anyone believes this? I hope my parents can give me a comment on it because my mother does hold a degree in law and is a Christian so she is somewhat an educated critical thinker who I hardly thinks buys into this despite her faith. Open to discussion....

Silly putty!

2005-09-25T03:51:00.000-07:00

So what a trudged this Sunday is turning out to be. First the damn internet was down this morning so I missed a chance to talk to my love Michelle. Other than that I have been spending the day puttering around avoided any possible work or responsibility...Come to think of it, not that much different than a weekday.

So while I sat in front of my computer methodically hitting the refresh button I was given an unlikely surprise from my buddy Adrian. He had found in a care package some Silly Putty. I had forgotten how much fun the stuff can be, so I spent much of the rest of the morning bouncing it off the office wall much to the dismay of my co-workers. It sure is neat stuff, if you let it sit for a while it gets a high gloss sheen over it and actually melts very slowly into a puddle. I know this because I came back from lunch to one such puddle. Neat stuff.

So the other day I happened to run into one of the female senior noncommissioned officers over her and she commented on how built I was getting. I'll spare you all the garish details that come with a woman actually complimenting yours truly, but I have never been able to see what the older women have for Chuck D. Oh I know I'm good looking and a damn smooth talker, but what is it that perpetuates the women in their 30's? Oh well, it does finally answer me one reason of why Michelle digs me so much, she is always thinking ahead and must have known she would one day find me attractive in her 30's. She always has her eyes on the horizon I tell you!

All Gave Some, Some Gave All

2005-09-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.somegaveall.org/pages/1/index.htm

If you ever go to one link that I post go to this one. A friend of mine is running the JFK 50-mile ultra marathon for charity. All donations go to the spouses and children of the brave men and women killed in Operation Iraqi and Enduring Freedom. Until the race I will be posting the link at the top of every one of my posts in hopes that you all check it out and maybe drop a buck or two.

Ok now down to business...so there was an election here a couple of days ago. It was hyped up to be a monumentous event of freedom and democracy...and bloodshed according to the Taliban. Not much happened actually and I was pretty fricken bored. I was more concerned with finding the damn Dreadknot (flying battleship controlled by the evil fuckers in Final Fantasy II) while wandering around while continually being attacked by annoying ass goblins that offer no experience points and just serve to annoy the shit out of me!!!!! (deep breath) Ok much better. So the elections are over...can we go home yet? Things over here have actually been pretty cool lately, my buddy Kevin from the local newspaper back in the states visited for a while. It is always nice to chat with him and find out the latest rumors circulating around Braggistan and who may be heading to Iraqistan and for how long.

Here are some photos from training on casualty treatment. Look at the intensity on that kid's face. Classic. I look that way when I am taking one of those huge dumps that are a side affect of consuming MRE's for weeks on end.

Busy busy busy...

2005-09-15T04:55:00.000-07:00

Last night was the first time I didn't sleep on the ground since my previous post and I have been very busy going out on operations since then. The operations were actually fairly boring, and more of a training oppurtunity for the Afghan National Army. We rolled into Zormat under the cover of darkness and began scouring the area at sunrise looking for a particular individual who shall remain nameless. The locals were very uncooperative and their story kept changing. It was so frustrating that I was longing for the old days where we used to be able flexi-cuff liars like that and send them to our nearest detention facility. Alas, we are fighting a different war now I suppose and were left driving away from the village with dust in our nostrils and the wary stares of local farmers who value tribal loyalties over a peaceful and prosperous future for their country. Here are some photo highlights. I'll post the link to albums with more photos with the help of the lovely Michelle.

After the mission was over and we had hit all our objectives it was time for the trip back. I must say the ride through the rugged Afghan mountain pass that leads from Gardez to Khowst was much more eventful. It started off a boring run of the mill convoy and I sat crammed into the back of an up armored humvee passing the time by day-dreaming of how nice it would be to be sitting on top of a new motorcycle on a beautiful spring N.C. day with my woman's arms tightly wrapped around me as I rolled into the throttle when, BOOM!

The gunner looked down through the hatch and screamed "I think we are being shot at!" I had been in the predicament before and knew he was right. Our convoy of humvees, armed to the teeth mind you, just happened to be passing an Afghan National Police checkpoint that was under attack and we had become "targets of oppurtunity" for the enemy forces positioned across the shallow riverbed called a "wadi" from us. They quickly realized that they had bit off more than they could chew when we returned fire. I was riding in a vehicle with the mortar team and we pushed through to about 500 meters past the initial contact. I must say the young boys sprung into action quickly and within a few short minutes were bringing a veritable rainstorm of 81mm high explosive mortar rounds down around the heads of the attackers. Good stuff. Of course the follow on mission to find the fuckers who got away was really stupid and ended up taking about 10 hours. Anyone who has ever been in Afghanistan knows that soldiers weighted down with full battle rattle will not run down a hadji in the mountains...

Last but not least Michelle sent me a sweet ass package for our anniversary. Three cigars, a Romeo y Julieta 1875, Romeo y Julieta maduro (which I am very curious to try as I am a fan of their mild bodied cigars and would like to see what this full flavored maduro is like), and a Monte' Cristo. She is so awesome.

Mice, murder, handcuffs and sk8tboardzerz!!!111!

2005-09-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

So first off we killed the little mouse thathas been running around the office lately. I will spare you the gory details because Michelle seemed pretty upset when I gave her the graphic description of the little guy's downfall.

To the right is a photo of one silly sunufabitch. He is a former Taliban leader in the Gardez area who surrendered and swore allegiance with the new government...in hopes of getting money for his house we blew up. So we bombed the shit out of this dude's house a few years ago because he was a Taliban loyalist and had some 20-30 "family members" with rocket propelled grenades and automatic weapons having a BBQ or something at his house. Whatever, so these guys are partying it up or planning attacks on coalition forces, I'll let you the reader decide which ok? And we turn his house into a crater while he is on a beer run or something. All homeboy did at our little meeting was bitch and moan about how he wanted $900,000 in payment for the "mistake" we made by blowing up his house. I'm sorry dude, even if you were just holding a meeting of the Gardez Province RPG and Gun club, we didn't blow 900 grand worth of shit up. I don't think the whole country of Afghanistan is worth 900 bucks. I've built more complex structures with Legos.

Here we have some high speed training of the Afghan National Lampoon's Police. Watching them work is quite comedic. Look how squared away their uniforms are and the sweet patch on the guy's shoulder. Glad to know the future of this nation rests in the hands of these incredibly motivated warriors. Look how tough the guy with the painted finger nails looks! I think it would be fun to have one of these guys try and put me into handcuffs...I've taken craps bigger than these dudes.

If you haven't yet seen this movie do so. Awesome movie, although not quite as good as the 2001 documentry "Dogtown and Z-Boys" a great flick cinematicaly chronicaling the roots of skateboarding as we know it today. Of course I'm too fat and uncoordinated for skateboarding, but I think the sport rules. If you are a complete geek like me you may want to check out the documentry instead.

FUNNY!

2005-09-01T02:10:00.000-07:00

This kind of stuff makes life liveable. Thank God for the internet!

http://www.extremefunnyhumor.com/fun_whatever.htm

Fat!

2005-08-27T23:25:00.000-07:00

So we had some new combat camera kid come in and set up shop in my office. Too bad the kid is big as a freakin' house! I mean it is just unhealthy and it disgusts me to see someone like that in uniform. He is lazy too, does nothing all day but sit outside with his laptop, watching Star Trek on DVD and smoking.

The smoking brings me to annother point, he smells like an ashtray in an armpit! It isn't hard to imagine why he isn't hygenically sound, he probably can't reach most parts of his body. And it isn't like he cares at all about his weight. I caught the fucker putting mayonaise in his chilli in the chow hall! Who puts mayonaise in chilli!?!? I didn't even know they made uniforms that big in the Army. Ohh well, he should be gone in the next few days because we can't send him on any missions because he would have a heart attack.

I probably shouldn't talk though, my bulking cycle is going perhaps a little too well. Im up to 205 lbs now and think I'll stop myself at 215 regardless. Then hit the cardio hard and lose the chub that I put on with the muscle.

So I have been drinking contaminated water all week

2005-08-23T05:30:00.000-07:00

So I am sitting here in my office jammin' to some sweet tunes, sipping on some ice cold bottled water when one of the telephone repair soldiers came in to fix one of the phones here. After a little conversation he looked at the bottle of water I was drinking and said ohh so casually not to cause alarm "You know all those bottles with the green caps are contaminated, they said we should throw them all out imediately."

Immediatly was a week or so ago, and I've been sucking at least 5 of these things down a day for the past week! I didn't notice it tasting funny, still don't. Haven't had any other "issues" with it either, now I'm just worried my penis may fall off or something like that. I just checked and everything seems to be intact so that is a relief somewhat. Maybe it will work to my advantage and I will grow mutant web feet and become an Olympic gold medalist in numerous swimming events! One can only hope for such things in situations like this...

In other news it is Michelle's birthday today. The misses is 20. So if you can find it in your heart to do so (if you are one of the 4 people who read this thing) leave a comment on this post wishing her a happy birthday.

Package!

2005-08-21T04:18:00.000-07:00

So I got annother package in the mail from the lovely Michelle. It was stocked full of anti-fungus foot stuff. I remember her saying that she had put together a package for my feet since I had complained a while back but I must say I never expected something that elaborate. It had cream, powder, spray, ointment AND odor eaters insoles. I gotta hand it to the woman for being so thorough with her selections. I guess she is sending me the message..."You better not come home with nasty feet!" Fine with me.

I should be getting out to get some more pictures this next week. Stuff involving the training of the Afghan National Police. Should make for some good oppurtunities. I would say it is a realitively safe mission, but it is not. No I am not worried about terrorists shooting at us...more concerned with the Afghans shooting at them. You see they shoot like the villians in Bond movies, they make alot of noise and shoot from the hip...but never ever hit their target, they are more likely to hit each other.

Today is a day of triumph!

2005-08-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

Was Zarqawi caught? Bin Laden caught? No, something incredibly more glorious happened!!!

I remembered to take my soap out of the shower with me. See, since I have been here I have developed a very bad habbit forgetting my soap in the showers. I must have gone through 20 bars of soap this way. Not today I tell you! I was towling off, getting ready to put my shorts on and "Don't forget your soap, dumbass," popped right into my head! I don't know if I am completely over this terrible soap forgetting affliction yet, so if you can find it in your heart to do so, mail me some.

I have been dabling with Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic on the X Box lately. I have beaten the game before, but this time I wanted to play as a hardcore, kill-everything Sith. It is pretty sweet and you really need to play the game twice to get all the effect. I am playing again this time and still finding parts of the game that I missed out on the first time. Definetly one of the best games ever made.

This is crazy!

2005-08-18T00:15:00.000-07:00

"What we're trying to do is create the ultimate funeral experience," Joe Joachim on the Vidstone. http://www.local6.com/news/4863830/detail.html

That is the quote of the year right there.

Now that is a reenlistment!

2005-08-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

Now if I were reenlisting this is how I would want to do it. I think all explosive ordnance disposal guys are rednecks. Where else would you find a group of guys who think this is a good idea. It actually wasn't that complicated. All they did was find a burm, dig holes in it about every 10 feet and pour 2 gallons of gas into trashbags that were placed in the holes. They ran detenation cord through the holes and bam! BBQ. Nothing enhances the glory of the U.S. flag like a wall of flame!

Just some thoughts.

2005-08-10T01:30:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture I took a couple days ago at the memorial for some of the Rangers that were killed here. They drowned in a river when their vehicle fliped into it. Horrible way to go. The thing that struck me the most about the whole even though was the fact that one of the poor kids was born in December of 1985. Amazing, so young. Younger than my youngest brother. I don't know why I find that so profound. I guess it is just a thing that really connected for me how it feels when a "young" American is lost over here. I never thought of them as "young" Americans before mainly because I was always the same age or younger than those mentioned. It is a strange feeling to know how incredibly short these people's lives were cut. God bless them and their families.

Well I have been out of the loop for a while. Travelling around and taking pictures of the general and such. Not much fun, alot of handshakes and alot of fake smiles with forced laughs. But hey, that is what I am good at by now. I dig get three coins out of it though. An 82nd commander coin (2 star), 82nd command sergeant major coin, and a combined forces Afghanistan coin (3 star). The best part of the trip by far was being able to visit for about an hour with my good friend and fellow super duper paratrooper Pryor. He is doing pretty good considering he was rapidly deployed here and this is the second time he has done that in less than a year.

I have been playing alot of Mario 64 DS on my Nintendo DS. Great game and I wish they would come out with more N64 greats for the handheld. Like Legend Of Zelda:Orcania of Time, or 007 Goldeneye. Those games are CLASSIC! It would really be the only chance they have to compete with the Sony PSP which I kinda wish I had bought instead of the DS.

Michelle has been working alot lately and I have been so busy travelling around the country that I didn't get to talk to her for a while. It sucks, but we have been really fortunate so far on this deployment. So many other couples seem to be fighting and arguing, I'm glad I was lucky enough to find a girl who could deal with this the best she could She is awesome.

Check this shit out!

2005-07-30T03:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.speakeasy.net/speedtest/ Some cool thing I found wandering the internet. I about 200 kps so test it out and let me know how you faired. I am really interested in how Michelle's wireless internet will do because it can be a pain in the ass sometimes when we are trying to chat with each other.

I have a headache...

2005-07-28T02:42:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is from exactly. Normally I can attribute such pounding and pressure in the noggin to a night of too much fun, but there has been no such fun as that here for far too long. Could I be dehydrated? I doubt it, I have drank at least 2 liters of water today and it is only the mid afternoon. Perhaps it is the unrelenting construction work that is going on in the room next door. Or the fact that this fly keeps buzzing around my head. I am leaning to blame the fact that the Sopranos DVDs I bought at the hadji mart yesterday have been working less than satisfactory. Fuck those guys, no more business from me. I wish I could not risk international relations between our two countries and could just walk down there like Tony Soprano himself and crack a few hadji skulls for running such a bad business. That is what I get for going down there and spending money on myself instead of Michelle. Karma is a bitch.

Speaking of the lovely lady, she is at the beach this week. No doubt basking in the sun while young male volleyball pros in speedo swimsuits rub tanning oils all over her, or at least that is what my insecure psychopathic mind thinks she is doing. Ok, now that I have gotten myself pissed off it is time to go find a toilet seat to piss on...

Jingle Bike

2005-07-25T02:50:00.000-07:00

Here is me on the sweet ass jingle bike. These Afghans are pretty fruity characters if you ask me. I think I just lost about a thousand cool points for riding a bike with plastic flowers on it. Later I crashed it into the porta-johns you see in the background. If only the bikes used in the Tour de France were as decorated as this one people might watch. Maybe the bikes in the Tour de San Francisco are like that because it is pretty queer.

T-Rex

2005-07-22T22:40:00.000-07:00

So here is the beast, or one of them. They caught this one inside the finance office. Measured almost 4 feet long from head to tail. Madness I tell you!

Ohh yea

2005-07-22T04:15:00.000-07:00

And now everyone can post comments on here, not just Blogspot.com members, you should still become members though.

Sin City

2005-07-22T03:48:00.000-07:00

This movie absolutely rules. It PWNED on so many levels it isn't even funny. Actually it is pretty funny, good laughs, plenty of gore and every hero character in the movie was a tough son of a bitch REAL MAN! That's right the good guys(if you can call them good guys) kicked so much ass it was unbearable. Society needs more movies like to show all those metro-sexual punks out there what a real man looks, acts, and talks like. Even the bad guys in the movie were badder than bad, they couldn't be corrupt politicians, nope they had to be corrupt politicians that liked to eat human babies! Scum I tell you. Just look at Bruce Willis kicking ass in this screen shot from the film. So sweet I almost crapped my pants. Hell they even made Josh Hartnett seem like a hardass, something incredibly difficult to do considering he was even a pussy in a movie where he played a Ranger in Samolia. Clive Owen is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors, you should remember him as the manipulative doctor in "Closer" (annother movie he rules in). Mickey Rourke is by far my favorite in the movie though, it isn't hard to see why either. He is big, tough, and breaks everything around him all while doing the leather trenchcoat justice. Neo could take a few trench coat lessons from "Marv." Do yourself a favor and watch this movie as soon as possible and get yourself a leather trench coat.

Chinook down

2005-07-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

Well I spent about 2 weeks out at the site of the Chinook crash. It was a pretty sobeing experience, but I think the pictures speak for themselves. The mission was pretty crappy, we were only supposed to be out there for a few days but we should have known better because our releif was slated to be from none other than Marines. They flat out refused to come and releive us because they cowered in fear at the Afghan mountains that looked down upon them. So end result was us walking up and down those mountains multiple times and sleeping on the ground for 2 weeks. Not to mention the personal hygene situation. I think given enough string I could have made a candle with the buildup between my toes. Sometimes I have to remind myself of how cool this job is though. Like during that mission finding myself flying around the mountains with night vission on and an assault rifle in my hands surrounded by Navy SEALS. I found myself noding off after a few moments of flight, nothing unusual about that at all right? Well Dante reminded me that I get to do some pretty cool stuff while in the Army, so it helps keep me motivated. The main thing I hope people take away from this post though is that #1 Marines suck and #2 Marines suck, because they do suck. No offense to any Marines of past glory who did awesome things in most of the world's conflicts, but maybe some of you all should re-up and show this generation of supreme blow hards that there is more to military service than earning a title and a fancy uniform.

Recieved packages from both my parents and Michelle. Both did excellent jobs and Michelle made me a sweet ass CD that has a ton of songs on it that bring up lots of fond memories of her. Screw that, I don't want anymore CD's, I spent the evening wallowing in my own self pitty missing her after listening to it. At least time is going by fast and 2 months is already gone.

They have been doing construction work on my officer here lately and I gotta say, the Afghans must have a fabulous union because they take a break as often as possible. Hadji Teamsters, they go on strike like no other, suicide bombers instead of picket lines...

http://community.webshots.com/album/397260837hapYOy

Photos

2005-07-02T20:41:00.000-07:00

http://community.webshots.com/album/363691821FQOpFy

Thank you Michelle.

She has added some of my newer photos to the album.

Today's forcast!

2005-06-29T07:22:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I went out with some guys on a patrol south of Khowst to assess the security situation, meet with local leaders, and help with security at voter registration points for the September parlimentary elections. It wasn't so bad except for the heat...

The day started warm and by mid day the tempuratures were climbing into the 120's. I was sweating out more water than I could take in, when all was said an done I had consumed 11 liters of water, and not urinated for 12 hours. When it gets that hot in body armor you begin to feel sick, and after a few hours I was feeling the heat cramps setting in. I had to force myself to eat some from an MRE despite feeling only thirsty, I figured I was loosing salt and electrolytes too fast and the water just wasn't doing it. I was right, and a couple hours after choking down the fudge brownie and fettuchini alfredo lathered in salt I was back to kickin ass. I was shooting with a 17-35 mm lens and damn do I love it. The amount of color and range of light that it takes in amazes me, I must have one for my personal kit.

As we were leaving the heat finally broke, in the form of a massive downpour. Despite it forcing me to put my camera gear away, we all welcomed the huge drops of cold water. We had already soaked through our clothes with sweat. Our glory was short lived however and after about a half hour the rain stopped, bring with it a dust storm of Biblical proportions. When we arrived at our base, exhausted and covered in mud (all the dust stuck to us in a weird powdery paste). It was worth it though, pics soon to follow.

Sadly, a helicopter whent down here yesterday. Right now there is still no news on survivors and our guys are working to get to the crash site. I might be heading out with some of our response to this, it will prove to be an exciting and challening mission and I should get some good photos. The only thing that sucks is that my dear Michelle will worry. I called her this evening, but the phones were horrible and I was just able to get her to hear that I probably wont be in contact with her for a little while longer than normal, and that I love her. She is truely a wonderful woman to put up with me being gone.

Hotter than hell…

2005-06-23T09:50:00.000-07:00

I’m gazing over at the thermometer to the left of me. Even in the stark cement walled room with air conditioning blazing, it is a slightly uncomfortable 78 degrees in here. Well the thermometer outside is reading a blistering 111.2. Walking on the rocky path that leads to my office I felt as if the sun was beating down from just several feet above me and I think I lost a pound of water weight just coming over. I’m glad I dodged any real work today and opted for writing a story rather than going out to take photos. To add to the drudgery that is my life of deployment the communications back to the states have been rather sketchy thanks to the fascist regime I work for known as the defenders of freedom in other countries; the U.S. Army. They have blocked most of the messenger programs (all but Yahoo! Instant Messenger) and even this website. Anyone who knows how to bring down Websense please email me at rawkaholic@yahoo.com.

That reminds me that we should all thank the lovely Michelle for posting this for me since I am unable to access my own blog. Good to know that when the chief of staff of the Army says that he encourages blogs and online journals about military life he means that we should block the voices of our fine young men and women in uniform.

I smoked a Cuban Romeo y Julieta cigar the other night. Damn, it was tasty. I am now trying to figure out a way to bring some back with me in my mini-humidor, the Cigar Caddy. Every cigar smoker should get one, they are airtight, waterproof, and crush proof. Check out Otter Cases, they make them in many different sizes and for different uses. I am thinking that I will buy a lot of Cubans, buy and equivalent of legal ones, then just replace the rings on the Cubans. That should work, and I think I can fit maybe 10 into my Cigar Caddy.

I am also running dangerously low on good music out here. I desperately need to enlist the help and support of any music pirates out there who would be willing to burn their favorite MP3s to CDs and send them to me. I like all types of music so don’t hold anything back.

Update

2005-06-20T06:42:00.000-07:00

Not much to update, except I saw the biggest lizard ever in my fucking life the other day. I think is was a monitor lizard. Although realistically it was probably no longer and a couple of feet (tail not included), I will say at that moment the fucker might as well have been a T-rex. Yes, I stood ready with assault rifle in hand terrified of a lizard. I was tromping my way through an old orchard over to the bakery, of course always on the lookout for snakes, because there are a few around here that are very deadly and there is no antidote for. So as I was walking along I saw it move and run away from me at an extremely high rate of speed. I swear the ground actually was thumping as it ran away.

CNN has been here today and will for the next few days. It really sucks, and I hate big media, especially television news. I most definetly will avoid cable at all costs when Michelle and I get our apartment set up. I think she may not like this, but we shall settle it like we do all our disagreements... with Indian leg wrestling. True I have an undeniable advantage in length, but as one that speaks from experience, she bites and fights dirty, we will see how that turns out.

Speaking of my better half; I sent the little lady a package today, hopefully she digs the stuff I sent her. I really hope she enjoys the book I sent "Oryx and Crake" as much as I did. It was a great post apocalyptic type sci-fi thing. The only drawback is it was written by a Canadian. I guess being Canadian would help with the dim outlook on life that is needed for an apocalypse style story. That is all for now, I will try to update more often.
'I fucking love you all man'-- Ozzy (Reunion Tour)

More pics

2005-06-11T07:07:00.000-07:00

So I have been pretty busy here. Went out on some patrols and things like that the past week. It was pretty cool. We came upon an IED that had detonated just before we got there and we did some looking around for the bad guys who set it off. We unfortunately didn't find them, but I was able to take some pretty cool pictures. Here is the link

http://community.webshots.com/album/363691821FQOpFy

Instead of doing the irresponsible thing and buying parts for my car when I am out of here I am saving up for some proffesional photo equipment and I will start working as a photo/print journalist up in the Winston-Salem area after I get out of the Army.

Life is pretty good here at FOB Salerno, some of the guys got together a TV and Xbox and have been playing Halo 2 on it. I have not yet unleashed my wrath upon them as I have been reading a whole lot lately. Just finished a Holocaust memoir titled "The Seamstress", it was pretty good and anyone looking for a different perspective on the Holocaust should look it up as it was written by a Hungarian Jew that didn't really go into a concentration camp until close to the end of the war. Tomorow should be fun here, the USO has put together a stand-up comic show that tours around to all the deployed troops. No big names but I hear it is pretty good. I missed it last time it came around when I was in Iraq because I was out doing some patroling stuff.

I miss Michelle a whole lot, but that really isn't much news. I did receive my first package from her and it totally kicked ass. The Sponge Bob sponge was my favorite part, along with the many letters she had written stuffed into it. Now I must go fill it up with what I can. Today I bought a very good fake Rolex for her, some perhaps precious stones, and a necklace. She will have to take the stones into work sometime and check them out to see if they are worth a damn, since she now works at Zales.

More later.

Tired

2005-06-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

Well it has been very busy here. I am even too tired to post really. The only thing keeping me up is having my lovely Michelle on web cam. The wonders of modern technology. I can sit half way around the world and chat with her instantly and get a live video feed of her.

I am relinking the lightning storm pics because I heard that they still were not working. Also linking to some pics I took out at a medical capabilities mission here. Basically our doctors and medics get together and help a bunch of sick Afghans. Pretty nice of us huh? Although ironic that many homeless and low income families in America go without health care we offer it to the terrorist supporting Dirkastanians who wan't Christianity to perish...more on that irony later.

http://community.webshots.com/album/355014334NcBpCM
http://community.webshots.com/album/360256579nkKTeE

Pics

2005-05-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

http://image26.webshots.com/27/1/88/94/355018894vhvhYY_fs.jpg
http://image12.webshots.com/13/3/69/7/355036907vqgWA X_fs.jpg
http://image22.webshots.com/23/5/7/44/355050744yFBpdn_fs.jpg
http://image26.webshots.com/27/4/39/78/355043978eGNhLH_fs.jpg
http://image28.webshots.com/28/5/69/82/355056982IaANUz_fs.jpg
http://image48.webshots.com/48/6/0/88/355060088fbfzmk_fs.jpg

Here is the link to some pics of Aziz's resturaunt.
http://community.webshots.com/album/355063352aoRytN

Let the buffness begin!!

2005-05-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

So I have decided to take advantage of my free time over here by hitting the gym. I plan to be a fitness machine when I return. Like my hommie Macho Man Randy Savage OHHH YEAAAA!

I realize that my pics didn't post or work on the last post. I think I am going to get webshots like Michelle has since she never seems to have a problem linking me pictures. I will have to work on that a bit.

Today I had to explain to a young female LT the concept of "goin' hoggin'" and "DUFF/grenade hopper."

For all you out there that don't know I'll explain:

Hoggin'-- A game played by one or more druken males where the object is to pick up a female of above large proportions and take her home for one rousing night of blubber love. It is best when the female looks like a hog (pig), hence the name.

DUFF/grenade hopper-- Designated Ugly Friend Fucker. Every group of female friends has one less than desireable mate. This female usually ruins the interaction of her female friends with a group of males seeking to mate. She is almost always ugly, in both physical aspects and personality. The DUFF, this heroic character decides to take one for the team (hence description as the 'grenade hopper' because he difuses the danger of the ugly female by offering his own enjoyment and self respect as sacrafice) so that his friends increase their chances of mating. The DUFF is usually decided before said such meeting by drawing straws, paper-rock-scissors, flipping of a coin, or on a scheduled rotationary basis.

I think the LT may have not known this because it is possible she is the frequent recipient of Hogging Safaris and evenings of entertainment with the DUFF.

Lightning Storm!

2005-05-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Well I arived here in Afghanistan safe and sound and I sit about 10 kilometers from Pakistan. It is a pretty sweet base and I can definetly dig staying here for a while, despite missing Michelle (gotta give the fiance' shout-out or status may be relegated to ex-fiance').

More on that stuff later I really just wanted to post up some pictures I took of the sweet lightning storm that just passed over us.

http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid170/p5190c10b9d97f4ea960048430bfd45e2/f3fb6671.jpg.orig.jpg
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid170/p5190c10b9d97f4ea960048430bfd45e2/f3fb6671.jpg.orig.jpg

To Afghanistan!...almost

2005-05-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

So after the heart wrenching farewell that was leaving my beloved Michelle I was finally off on my long awaited third tour of duty during the war on terror and second in Afghanistan. I promise this one shall be even more mind numbingly dull than the first to. But fear not, with I at the helm of this fateful Blog you shall be entertained...or at least kill 5 minutes before clocking out from work at the end of the day.

The flight over was just fine and dandy thanks to the great concept of contracting travel. We flew civillian style from NC, to Ireland, to Turkey, to Kyrgyzstan (still can't spell it right), and that happens to be where I sit right now waiting to fly into Afghanistan. The flight went by quickly thanks to the healthy level of Ambiem in my bloodstream that kept me pacified like the drooling bufoon that I am for most of the way. Now here we sit waiting...waiting...waiting to go. Kygyzstan isn't too bad though, it is one of those republics that broke away after the Soviet Union fell apart. I guess they didn't like the idea of living in poverty and oppression and would rather live in freedom with even greater poverty. I'm thinking some of them may be saying that democracy is waaaaay over rated, but they probably can't get of MTV's 'Newlyweds.' I'll update again when there is something to talk about other than me wasting time on taxpayers money.

Deployment looms.

2005-05-05T07:31:00.000-07:00

Well, the time has almost come. I will be sure to keep up the blog more and more while I am overseas. I have pretty much finished packing up my things in my room and will be prepping my car to soon hand over to Michelle.

Speaking of Michelle, things have been wonderful between her and I lately. Well they are always good between us. I have a hard time complaining about her because she never ceases to amaze me and keeping me aware of how lucky I am to have her. Last weekend she convinced me to get a pedicure with her. It was fun, despite the fact that I am way too ticklish for strange little Asian ladies to be touching my feet.
I did my last day of PT with my old office. My old NCOIC said it was a sad day and decided to send me off right. “Sending me off right” to him was taking me on a 4 mile trek through the woods at a high rate of speed, throwing in some buddy carries with it, also stopping periodically to do flutter kicks and push-ups. I thought he was heading to a trail that we frequently run on when he just bolted into the trees. It was kind of fun. If you had given me a broad sword and some armor I would have felt like an orc on the charge after some hobbits in a Lord Of The Rings tale. The fun didn’t stop when we got back to the office. The push-ups and abdominal workout continued until I felt like 10 lbs of shit stuffed into a 5 lb sack. I twisted my knee pretty good while running it, but it was worth it. Good PT and I will miss the work-outs.

Spring Cleaning Anyone?

2005-04-26T11:11:00.000-07:00

So last night I decided to help out Johnny with some cleaning, like any good friend would do. Of course this was not just any type of cleaning, I was going to help him clean out his fridge…of liquor. Last night was vodka night. I was supposed to go to the gym, but my back was really sore so I decided to give it some rest. Between the two of us we polished off a fifth and a half of the stuff mixed with Red Bull. We got drunk pretty quick, so I finished off the cheese dip with Tostitos quick. Well I was using my finger like a greedy bastard to get the last of the cheese out of the can and cut the shit out of my finger. Right on the joint so it hasn’t closed very well and I bled last night for a long time.

After a few more episodes of “The X Files” (Johnny has them on DVD) I headed down to my room to listen to some music for a while and chill with Josh. So we hung out for a bit before I let him go for the evening because it was time for me to call my beloved Michelle. As copious amounts of drunken conversation flowed forth I realized that although I had stopped drinking, I was feeling drunker by the second. It wasn’t long before I morphed into my incredible Pukeasaurus alter ego…twice. After some scientific analysis of these events I have came to the conclusion that the sobering/awakening effects of the Red Bull had began to wear off, while the alcohol was still in my system, throwing me into an abyss of nausea and poor motor skills.
So in mathematical summary we have (Red Bull + Vodka)+(Tostitos + cheese dip)= (Me – Blood) + puke breath

Doom III

2005-04-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

Rules all. I just beat the game and can't even begin to describe what a masterpiece it was. I would have to say it is the best game ever made. A perfect tribute to the past glory of Doom and groundbreaking at the same time. Of course this post may seem a little outdated because it has been out on the PC for some time now, but I just got it for the X Box. I am glad I waited though because I was able to pick up the SWEET collectors edition with "The Ultimate Doom" and "Doom II: Hell On Earth" included in the game as well as kickin' interviews with the nerd Gods who designed the game.

Now to start up on Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic II. If I can knock that one out in time I might be able to get Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory in before I deploy...Which is quickly approaching.

I broke my phone the other day and had to buy a knew one. I had the insurance policy on the phone but Sprint has changed it since I bought it a year ago. Now you have to pay a $50 deductible and have an affidavit (is that spelled right?) notarized and faxed with your government ID in order to get a replacement. To top it off they would only ship it to my parent's house in CA. Retarded. So instead of going to all the trouble to save myself a little money and adding a ton of hassle, I just bought a new one. The cheapest model they had was $150. I fart upon Sprint PCS. The cherry on top is the loss of all my numbers I had saved into my old phone. So, if I know you, give me a call so I can resave your number. I have the same number.

Michelle and I are doing well. She is having somewhat of a tough time with me deploying. I have always suspected that deployments are actually harder on the loved ones than those being deployed but I never thought it would hit me on such a personal level. The other deployments were made much easier by the fact that I only saw my family and friends back home about 2 times a year on average. The best I can do is join the ftd.com club and be sure to send her lots of love that way.

Ligers DO exist!

Tobasco Brand Habanero Sauce

2005-04-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

I love Tobasco sauce, I put it on tons of stuff. Well I must have had some left over on my finger after dinner. We I scratched my balls and some of that sauce was transfered to my genetalia and it burned ohhhhh so bad. Probably for a good hour.

I also watched Dawn Of The Dead today. Definetly one of the coolest movies ever made. The most solid zombie flick ever.

Getting closer

2005-03-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

So, I have just about 8 weeks until I deploy to Afghanistan for a year and change. My feelings on the subject are rather bittersweet. As much as I want to go for a second time to Afghanistan, I will surely miss the er...um...misses. I will also miss the times that I spend on here tapping away my thoughts and feelings for all to see and many to ignore. I really just need to post more often in order to regain my fan base. Because I have realized it is quantity, not quality that the average literary amature is sought after these days. In order to keep it short and simple I have compiled a rather large list of things that I will miss when I go over seas again. There are in somewhat order, but nothing official.

Michelle (And no she is not #1 just because she would kick my ass if I didn't)
My friends
The ability to pirate a plethora of music tracks through the illegal use of online filesharing software
Enjoying a fine cigar and bourbon while using said such software
Xbox Live because it is pimp
My lucky bamboo plant even though I just got it
Shitting in flushable toilets
Driving my car, especially on nice days with the sun roof open
Playing my electric guitars (I will be bringing the accoustic with me)
Wearing civilian clothing

Well there are alot more but those are the big ones. I will be taking leave in a couple weeks and going to the beach with Michelle. I am really looking forward to a little break and some vacation time for just her and I to be together. I need a break, I have been working way too many weekends lately, in fact I worked this weekend. Quite ironic because this was supposed to be a 3 day weekend for all the people that were out in the field training during the CERTEX, although I was the only one in my unit out in the field during the CERTEX somehow I ended up "on-call" and working. This morning I was up taking pictures of a homecoming of 35 guys from Iraq at 0200, it was retarded. I am sorry, they just don't pay me enough to work Saturday mornings.

It has been a while...

2005-02-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

So this will be a big update, I haven't updated in a long while. I guess I am in the mood because I am in a rather reflective mood right now despite my life being the whirlwind that it is.

Reviews:
Macanudo Cigars
TASTE: 7
PRICE:5
AROMA:8
COOL FACTOR: 10
AVERAGE: 7.5
Pretty decent, tasted good, not too harsh or smooth. Nice tight draw. Not overly priced for a cigar, the one I got was 10 dollars, however was not very large. It is a very cool cigar though just for the fact that it looks like the stereotypical cartoon cigar; dark, and eliptical shaped.

Romeo y Julieta Cigars
TASTE: 9
PRICE: 8
AROMA: 7
COOL FACTOR: 3
AVERAGE: 6.75
Great tasting, I love these cigars, the best for the price that I have found on all catagories but one...cool factor. Who wants to smoke a cigar called "ROMEO Y JULIETA?" does it get anymore chode than that? NO. The only thing that saved the cool factor was the sweet ass metal tube it comes in. People know you got class when you got metalic cylinders that hold shit.

Ok so thats all I got for reviews right now, I will try to keep you better informed from now on. Valentine's Day was SWEET! My lovely fiance' Michelle got me the coolest gift from Things Remembered. It is this little handbook thing that has metalic cylinders in it (see reviews for more info on metalic cylinders). Inside the tanned leather was a new brushed aluminum cigar cuter and a holder for a cigar and a similar cylinder that is a flask for a bit of congac. Inside the cigar one was a Cohiba that I thouroughly enjoyed. I bought her a CD player for her car, and burned her a CD with sweet ass love songs like "Any Way You Want It" by Journey (Steve Perry OWNZ Valentine's Day). My woman rocks as hard as I do and you better beleive it. This weekend we are going to a Rodeo in Greensboro. You may think that is redneck...but yea it is, and damn fun to get drunk and watch scrawny white boys try to hop on a thousand pounds of living steak and try to ride it.

Ohh yea, one more review. Johhny Walker Black Label scotch blend wiskey is shitty, not fit to be mixed with Sam's Club Cola if you ask me.

Introducing the future Mrs. SuicideVan

2005-01-04T16:59:00.000-08:00

Michelle has agreed to marry me. Yes a shock, and I must apologize to the females fans that it is over. You had your chance...don't worry, I'll still autograph posters for you all.

I really need to tell more people about Michelle, I have avoided this in the hopes of not becoming a mushy blogger, which is what most are, it would just kill my cynicism. Michelle is the most incredible person I have ever met. She is smart (maybe smarter than myself), caring (almost too much sometimes), honest and genuine in all aspects of life, and never lets me forget how much I mean to her. As I fall deeper in love with her everyday, I have come to the realization that true love cannot be found in those that we want to love us, or desire to have, but rather the people that we see our own flaws absent in, and wish to one day become.

The trip back home to California was awesome with her, we had a great time seeing all the sights. I was glad that she liked my immediate and extended family. She also got to see some of California's finest locations, San Francisco, Monterey, and Sacramento. I think our next vacation will have to be down to southern California.

In other news I will be leaving for Germany on Friday for some training and I will be gone about two weeks. I would act all secret squirel like and tell you all that I can't divulge the reason of my trip and my training there to you, but to tell you the truth I really don't know exactly what I will be doing there yet.

Update!

2004-12-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

Reviews:
Sponge Bob Square Pants the Movie
Acting:10
Sound: 10
Visual: 10
Direction: 10
Overall:10

I watched this with Michelle and it ruled! I would go into more detail, but I wouldn't want to spoil any of it for you except I will say that Patrick( Sponge Bob's best star fish friend) looks great in fish net stockings.

Counter Strike (Xbox)
Visual: 5
Sound: 10
Gameplay: 4
Ludicrous Terrorist Slaughter: 10

Ohh how I love Counter Strike, the simple Half-Life mod that has greatly enhanced my life and destroyed a few personal relationships in the past. Such a wonderful revolutionary game.....ON THE PC! On the Xbox however the game sucks in almost every category that made it excel compared to other online multiplayer games. Visuals are blurry and clunky, frequent network lag, controls...What controls? The sounds are still on par and some of the best in a first person shooter. The only other redeeming factor is the body count. Dead terrorists are always a plus in my book! On a scale of one to awesome I would rate this game a "coffee table coaster" fit only for charity toy drives and the used clearance blowout rack at EB Games.

Ok on to the real life updates. Work is ok, my boss the major still hates me, which is ok, she is a total feminazi who attends yoga regularly. People like that shouldn't be allowed in the Army. I will be officially attached to 1st Brigade on the 17th of this month. It really wont make a difference because today was pretty much my last day of full work until Christmas vacation. Next week I will be perfecting my skull crackin' skills through a weeklong Combatives Level 1 Instructor Course. So I will be well versed in Brazilian Ju-Jitsu enough to teach the fundamentals. Believe it or not folks, there is a fine art to good ass kicking.

I have court on the 14th for doing a 52 in a 35 mph zone. Federal court mind you, so I got the coolest piece of paper in the mail notifying me of the court date; "The United States of America versus Charles M*****." I'm such a fuckin' rebel! When they ask if I would like to address the court I'm gonna be like "Fuck the police comin' straight out the underground!(NWA)" More than likely though I will beg like a little bitch to get the fine reduced because I'm a broke ass mother lover.

The 26th of this month is going to be awesome. I'm taking my superhotsexywonderful girlfriend Michelle to California with me to meet the rents and the Cali crew. I'm really excited about this, she is such an awesome person, she puts up with my constant flatulence, what can I say? It's true love!

Sick and tired...and review!

2004-11-21T06:34:00.001-08:00

Not of any one or thing in particular, I have just found myself under assault from a nasty nasty flu. It is one of those really bad ones that not only combines the aches, naseua, and headache but also the symptoms of a head cold.

The past few weeks have been rather uneventful, work is work, play is play, and Michelle and I are doing well.

A couple nights ago I tried as small batch bourbon sampler, I must say it was some of the best wiskey I have ever had, truely awesome stuff. I have been on a wiskey binge somewhat since coming down with this flu. When it started it felt like a standard cold so I went down to the Airborne PX to get a bottle of cough syrup, but ended up with a bottle of "grandpa's cough syrup." Not much else to update really so I will finish with a little review.

Game: Halo 2
Visual: 8
Audio: 10
Gameplay: 10
Fun Factor: 9
TOTAL: 9.25

A thouroughly awesome game, I get Xbox Live going on monday so that will be pimp. In summary I will just say that the alien body count is much higher in this sequel. More dead aliens= more fun for Chuck.

I get to blow stuff up tomorow!

2004-11-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

It is going to be big fat Oprah titties. I love playing with C4 and det-chord.

So the election seems to be pretty much over. Not like my vote would have had any impact if I had chosen to use it. This will sadly go down in the pages of history as the election of who you hated least. I have not met one person who is gung ho about the candidate they voted for. The standard response being "Well (insert Bush or Kerry here) seems like the lesser of two evils." I don't understand how these people are convinced that the only people they have to choose from are either from the Democratic or Republican parties. The president of the US should be the cream of the political crop, but it seems like we are stuck with less than satisfactory candidates. Enough with this though, I'm sick of hearing about it, and thinking about it. I'm really glad it is over...I can look on the bright side; Bush has some pretty hot daughters, Kerry's daughter looked like a beat up 3 dollar hooker in a 100 dollar pant-suit.

Reviews

2004-11-02T02:52:00.000-08:00

Drink: Georgia Moon's Corn Wiskey (100 proof)
Taste: 6
Style: 9
Value: 9
Hangover(this is a reverse scale, the lower the better): 3

An excellent choice for the redneck drinker on a budget. Has a full bodied mash taste of...you guessed it, corn. Not quite as much bite as other sour mash sipping wiskeys despite the moderately high content of alcohol. One of the coolest bottles ever, well not really a bottle at all; just a 750 ml fruit jar with a paper sticker lable that screams MOONSHINE BABY! The only thing that kept it from getting a 10 in style was the fact that pouring drinks from a jar lacks precision and neatness. Only eight dollars for the jar, and comparing to other drinks in this catagory it is a great value. Hangover is not too bad this morning, a little burpy and foggy headed, but no bass drums going off in my head or dry heaves. http://www.brainyencyclopedia.com/encyclopedia/c/co/corn_whiskey.html

Welcome!

2004-11-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

WELCOME TO THE NEW AND IMPROVED BLOG OF CHUCK D! The only thing that is new and improved of it is the fact that blogspot should be more reliable than my old blog.

Johnny just flew in from Afghanistan, so that is the only update right now.